Learning About Myself

I am learning things about myself as I work through this Life Coaching Program.  One of the things I have learned is that it is more important and valuable for me to understand who I am than it is for me to place the burden of responsibility for figuring that out on someone else.  I have hoped for so long to be "discovered".  And what I mean by that is that I hope that someone will see the potential in me, and ultimately that discovery would open doors for me.  This is backwards though, I have come to realise.  I mean it sounds backwards when I verbalise it.  I guess I haven't ever verbalised it before.

I am discovering that my desire for a possible "change of career" is more based in the belief that I have "run my race" with respect to Technology and I have little left in me to contribute.  While there may actually be more rewarding experiences for me "out there", this is not a good enough reason to leave technology.  I truly don't know how many days, months, or years I have left in technology.  I do know, however, that I am a valuable asset with very diverse experience.

I need to plan more.  That's something else I am discovering.  I am not sure exactly how I will do that, but I know that I must do that.  It's not enough to have a couple of steps planned out.  I want to know where I want to go.  I want to know what that destination looks like.  It's no longer enough to know the next few steps.  I want direction.  And I want a destination.

While I consider that there is some aspect of a "calling" on my life, a greater purpose, I am wary that I would use this to "avoid the difficult and painful things of life".  It's all together entirely possibly that my desire to go into some form of ministry years ago was a subconscious mechanism to "avoid" dealing with my gender identity disorder.  

I am loving what I am discovering about myself.  And that is probably my next realisation.  In the program that I am working through, I am to understand that I have the answers to my own questions.  My life coach, Anthony, is to lead me in my discovery of those answers, not to give me those answers. Like I shared, that's something that is second nature to me:  I seem to find it easy to defer to others.