Sunday, September 22, 2013

When Waiting is Good

So, it's a Monday.  It's 13 days after my surgery, and it's the day I have my final followup consultation with my surgeon, Dr Andrew Ives.  It's been a big journey.  I always knew it would be.  But it's been bigger than I had expected.  And it's taken me way beyond myself in many ways.  And that's not a bad thing.

It's taken me decades to get to this point of where I am at.  And I am, by no means, arrived.  I have more of this journey ahead of me.  I mean, for me, that's life.  Life is the journey.  That's what I believe.  But there has been so much waiting.  There has been so much time in my life that has seemingly been wasted.

Could I have done this earlier?  Yes, undoubtedly.  Could I have saved myself and people around me the pain of doing this when I did?  Possibly.  This is all true.

But now is my appointed time.  I know that and can feel that.  It's palpable.  I don't question the timing of this.  I mourn things that I will never have, milestones that aren't mine, but I no longer question this timing.  The timing of my transition, of my surgery, of my recovery, and this part of the journey are perfect.  Not gonna change anything, or wish that I could!

Waiting is not a bad thing.  I am driven to make the most of my time and to be productive.  It eats away at me when I am forced to wait.  But waiting is good.  It has been very good to me.

My best advice is to find peace with your journey whatever it may be.