Monday, October 22, 2012

I never knew you


Sometimes I think I am soo timid and shy.  Maybe I thought that I would be more bold after doing this whole “transition” thing.  But the truth is, I’m not.  I’m still me.  And I am finding that is the case for pretty much everything about me.  Has transition changed me?  On the surface, yes it has, but not in who I am intrinsically.

I relate to people differently now, because I am being more of who I feel like I really am.  And that is a breath of fresh air.  Sometimes I used to feel a burden because I was aware of how I wasn’t being “real” with people.  I think that stems back to my desire to be authentic. 

I wonder if I could gather everyone that is a part of my life and was a part of my life, what they would say to that statement:  My desire is to be authentic.  What kind of reaction would that elicit from people.  Like my ex?  Would she agree or disagree?  I imagine she would disagree.  And my mum and dad.  I would think that they would disagree too.  They would probably believe that they knew the “real me”.  Almost like a sense of ownership.  And maybe that’s it.  Does our perception of who someone is, give us a sense of ownership with that person. 

“They are my friend.  “They are my son”.  “I know who they are.”  Can we just let someone be “who they are” without taking a sense of ownership in that knowledge?

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