My Identification with the Female

Okay so this is what I have been thinking about.  And I'm trying to figure out why this has come to the forefront of my consciousness.

Here is the question that I have been mulling over:  Is my identification with "the female" more about an emotional connection or a physical connection?  And when I say "the female", if it's not obvious what I mean is everything in me that resonates and relates to being female.

I am sure ultimately it's both, and possibly even spiritual as well.  But is one connection stronger than the other?  At first contemplation I would have to say it's definitely emotional.  I mean I feel significantly emotionally connected to being female.  It means a lot to me to have those kind of relationships that are typically more female.  I love the kind of communication styles of women when they are relating to other women, especially close friends.  And I love being a part of that.  I find fulfilment in my relationships when I am perceived as a woman, as female.

But there is a physical aspect as well.  I know physically I want to look female.  But I think perhaps that desire to look female is more about achieving that sense of emotional connection.  It's significantly harder to convince people you are a woman on the inside if you don't look that way externally.  When I wasn't dressed as Cindy in the early days, I had difficulty believing i was female internally and emotionally.  Looking back I know that I was, but when I didn't see it in my own reflection I couldn't bring that expectation to other people to see me that way.

So perhaps my physical identification with being a woman is more about achieving that emotional identification with myself and those around me.  It's important for me to be seen and perceived and reflected as female.

There are other aspects of physical identification that are significant for me.  One of them involves the surgery that is coming up.  I mean if it wasn't important I wouldn't be subjecting myself to that, but I am.  It is important to me.  And interestingly I won't be seen by many at that degree as female.  There of course will be my lovely amazing wife Giselle, and perhaps a doctor or two.  But ultimately it will be a physical marker that will be righted that very few will appreciate or see.  But it's still important to me.  It's important because I want that emotional connection.

I'm thinking about this now because I am facing the surgery which has brought the idea of that physical identification onto my radar as it were.

So that's just what I have been thinking about ...