Some things we can quit

For a considerable amount of time, and certainly more years than I care to admit, I considered my being TG a form of addiction, of a sexual nature. I remember countless times of trying to "quit" and trying to "ween" myself off this, but I was never successful ... obviously.

I read, and re-read, books about addictions, and looked at websites, and tried the "methodologies" of the Twelve Steps. And when I came to the conclusion after years of thinking about it in this way, I felt a failure. I surrendered.

I had heard of people quitting different things, and wondered at their "will power" or their "support network". They were my heroes. Even now, I have a friend from my childhood, who lives a long way away from me who is quitting smoking. And he has successfully not had a cigarette for over 50 days now. And I marvel at that.

Being a Christian (of sorts ... still trying to figure that one out in the light of all of this) I believe that no matter how "good" we are, how "strong" we are, God always has a deep end that is beyond us. And furthermore, that is usually where He will take us. And that is why the words of the serentiy prayer hold such value. Give us the serenity to accept the things that we cannot change, give us courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference.

And that's where I am right now. I am looking for that wisdom. I have unsucessfully tried to change the fact that I am TG. Now, I am looking for the courage to change my gender, because I believe that to be the truth. I cannot change my dysphoria, and for that I require serenity to accept it. I can change my gender, and for that I require courage. That is the wisdom I have come to.