The Little Engine That Could

I was worried that I hadn't written in here for a while, and after checking, it's been just under a month. I guess that's okay. It's been busy, and so much has happened. Nothing gender-specific mind you, just life in general.

So what has happened? Well, last month we travelled to sydney for a weekend. We saw George Michael in concert, and went to the Mardi Gras (though that was dissapointing cos all we saw were straight people!!??), and we went to Manly, and hung around in the city, and had lunch in the Rocks. It was soo nice.

Oh, and I have been to church a bit more this year, as Cindy. We go to the Metropolitan Community Church here in Brissie, and it's nice. The people are soo lovely. It's nice to be out a bit more.

So, what's been going on in my mind and heart? Hmm. Good question. I wonder sometimes if I avoid this journey. It's almost subconcious, but sometimes life gets so busy that I find myself doing everything but "tending to this issue". And you know what, I am actually somehow happy in that, distracted in that. Which is weird, cos this whole condition is very much like a toothache. I have thought that a lot. It just keeps getting worse, and at some point you can't avoid it any longer. You have to go to the dentist. And I guess that is what I am doing. I mean, I have been in therapy for over 4 years. I started in December of 2005. I think it was December 20th. And while there was a little while, maybe about 3 months or so, when I didn't go back in 2006, I have been to every appointment other than that.

But in saying all that, I haven't transitioned. The timing just isn't right. But then the timing of a tooth ache is never right. And in that scenario, you just have to put everything else down and have it seen to. And yet, at this point, somehow I have managed to "deal with this pain" enough that I can slow down.

My psych thinks that the slower journey is the better journey. I hope so, cos that seems to be the journey that I am on for sure. I'm not setting any land speed records on this one. I am the little engine that could I think. Who knows, maybe I might even use that as a title to a book about this journey one day. After all, we can never have enough biographies about this kind of thing.

So that's where I am at. I am in a holding pattern. I am waiting for work and other circumstances to open up so that if I do indeed do this, it will be a measured response to this condition. And maybe that's a part of it to. I am managing myself in this condition. I get that the management is temporary, but that is what I am doing.

And for now, that is enough.